New Website, New Blog Site

My new website is up!

I'm so excited about it.
This means that I'll be blogging over there now. (You can subscribe for RSS feeds). I've been reading blogs in Google Reader.
Check it out!

GLAD challenges DOMA

This is exciting news. Today GLAD, New England's nonprofit legal rights organization, filed a lawsuit challenging the federal DOMA law.

DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) is the law signed by President Clinton that allows the federal government and individual states to not recognize same-sex marriage performed in states that allow it. DOMA is the reason that married same-sex couples in Massachusetts and Connecticut can't file joint federal tax returns. DOMA is the reason that if you fall in love with someone from overseas, that person won't get a green card if you marry in Massachusetts or Connecticut. DOMA is the reason that most out-of-state couples who marry in Massachusetts find that marriage invalid when they return to their home state (with some exceptions: NY, NM, RI included).

DOMA is a terrible, discriminatory law - so this challenge by GLAD is a big deal. In 2004-2005, I spent a year and a half as a volunteer on the GLAD hotline. Every Friday afternoon from 1-4:30, I'd answer calls, letters and emails from people who felt discriminated against. It was a powerful experience and GLAD remains one of my favorite charities to support.

GLAD takes a very thoughtful approach to its challenges and as such, is challenging only the parts of DOMA that unfairly discriminate against residents of Massachusetts (not the parts that affect non-residents and could be dismissed on the basis of federalism). This is why the plaintiffs are, as examples: widowers not eligible for survivor benefits; couples paying excess taxes because they can't file joint returns; and couples paying thousands extra for health insurance because if one is a federal employee, the couple is not eligible for joint marriage coverage.

I'll be following this challenge closely! This is very exciting news indeed. By the way, if you want to support GLAD, they have a silent auction which you don't have to attend in order to bid or win. Check it out.

what to wear

I talk with a lot of brides and one of the biggest sources of angst and frustration is what do I wear to my wedding? A lot of lesbian brides don't want to wear a wedding gown. I don't.

I'd love to hear your creative solutions and sources of inspiration.

Many of my clients have had custom creations or have bought off the rack at J. Crew, Hugo Boss or Bloomingdale's. I've had brides in tunics, in saris, in white dresses (not gowns) and in other colored dresses. I've had some in black suits, some in white suits. There's no tradition here - use your imagination and allow yourself to be inspired.

(The grooms definitely have it easy on this matter. I had clients get married today in jeans, though most often they are in suits or tuxes.)

And as for me, I'm still on the fence and time is running out! What am I going to wear to my own gay wedding? My partner has her wedding dress picked out. It's currently being altered (and will then be secretly stored in her aunt's house, making its surprise debut to me on our wedding day).